Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Just no reason, and i have been taking a break from almost all technology. And Please don't be intimidated by my long text. It is hard to describe feelings with just words.
But this weekend I am at my dad's house. I hate it here. He treats my step-siblings better than me. He lets my stupid dick like step mom boss me around for no reason. I am so unhappy, but i don't know what to do. I am sick and tired of being emotionally abused. The manipulation, guilt trips, you get the point. Coming to this realization, has made me feel. . . i don't know just better ifs the best word to describe it.I feel like i put on a mask, and lately it has been dripping down my face, for my dad. I have begun my battle to show my feelings.I am not the clueless innocent little girl anymore, and he treats me like i am. Same with my brother and sister. MY poor brother. He has been pushed around by my dad, and just needs a father figure. My uncle john was there when my dad never was. My brother looks up to him more than i can tell you with words. we love him. Right now he is in Iraq for his 3rd time. It is very hard on his family. but he is coming home in may sometime and going to move to Hawaii.
But now that i think of it, my father does everything for himself. He has our custody schedule longer so he doesn't have to pay as much, or that is how he acts. I am sitting here crying because i long to go home with my mom. I got to go to her house this afternoon because my aunt was in town, and that little sweet taste of home has left me, and i stand alone. Not literally of course. ME and my brother are looking out for each other.we have made a pack without words, just to watch each others back. In the past 5 years all of my family has grown, way too fast.we have gone through so much, we have now just become a real family. Stronger than life itself, that bond, will take us to so much more places, happier places. As that one song say from glee or whatever, the dark days are over... But there are so many more to come. we can only hope for the best. The worst has been dealt with I can make it through the rest. Right??
Random fact about me, i want to learn Italian and go to Canada before i die. I wish i could live in Canada. Seriously, nothing bad happens as often as here. It is the best place ever. and the have a holiday celebrating the founding of hockey!! Wish i could move there. Thanks for reading, I just need to talk to someone, anyone to help me physically and emotionally.
Love, Your Blogger,
Audrey
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